Ok I have told yall that dh has been working with the Youth since December. But there really is more going on and I think we are at the point of breaking due to some background issues.
In March the Previous Youth Leader, Paul stepped down because he was overwhelmed and couldn't do it anymore so my dh (Robert) stepped up and picked up the slack which was fine, its what he wanted to do anyway. Well they now have a team of four adults for the youth group that ranges from 2 kids to 10 kids or more.. 3 men and 1 20 ish girl. Included in this team is the previous YL who "is only here for the summer". In other words, wants to go do the fun things we have planned. Dh and Paul are butting heads left and right. The Pastor tells dh that he is the "spiritual head" of the group and to "take the lead" "its Your ministry". Ok, well after several attempts to coordinate with Paul and was unsuccessful or outright ignored, on several issues. Robert went to the pastor and asked for clarity on leadership since Paul acts like he is still Lead and is shooting down and questioning Robert on everything from the nights they meet to why would I be involved (that's another issue I will get to). Anyway To Robert, Pastor says your the lead, work with your team , blah, blah blah... But the the team he doesn't say that so I can see where Paul may not have been told outright that Robert has the authority. I am frustrated with this because its stressing dh out to no end fighting with Paul, but since it has never been announced at the Church or anything said openly to Paul or the Team that Robert is now the lead, he doesn't feel comfortable pulling authority over Paul and causing rifts..
Anyway, Tomorrow is our trip to the water park, I am going as a Female Chaperone since there are girls intending to go, and only the guys in the team will be able to go Amanda headed out to the River for the weekend... Seems reasonable to me. I am going because there will be girls there, and this are young girls ages 11+... .
Robert and I agree that no matter what the age group or # of kids who show up, if there are girls present in the group, then its is only Right that a female be present. This is for the girls comfort (as we all know that there are things you just cant tell a male youth leader if your a 12 year old girl starting your first cycle etc..) and also the safety of the ministry. With a female lead there is less chance of any finger pointing and story telling going on Regardless of the fact that nothing inappropriate would happen. Still with me.. Anyway.. Ever since the beginning of Dh's stint in the Youth ministry here at O.D. there has been no secret that I am interested in being a part of the youth Ministry. To be there for the girls when they need someone to turn to.. Etc. Dh has told the Pastor this and was warned by him " well , just be careful, Alexis has a very strong personality and it could change the dynamics of the group" ?!?!?!?! What?? I am not asking to lead or separate the YM, I just want to be present in the event that I am needed.. To help where necessary. I have no intention of taking over. Whatever... I haven't really been involved until the last couple weeks because we have had no girls show up, Not suppressing since it was always only boys to show, they girls felt uncomfortable and left. We had a Beach bonfire last week, and come to find out 2 girls wanted to go but didn't want to be the only girls there, but didn't know the other was going to be there, or that I would be there. Now the old YL, is questioning dh as to Why I am there at all. He doesn't feel that I should have any part of it.
Well Dh is really feeling stabbed in the back by the SP, who doesn't seem to see power struggle going on. Dh is on the verge of submitting a resignation to the SP, and not sure what to do since this is a volunteer position, and the only on paper experience he has. He is really really feeling that its just best to leave and move on.. He has tried to talk to the SP about the issues again a couple weeks ago and was told to " Relax and just chill about it." Nothing has been resolved. Nothing has been worked on.. Its all Paul obviously..
Are we trying too hard to hold on to this? Should we just let it go and walk away. There is not shortage of churches we could attend that are much closer. We drive 20 miles one way to this one. Passing by hundreds on the way... We are definitely in a quandary. Not sure if this is all making sense or if we are blowing it out of proportion.. What do you think?
In March the Previous Youth Leader, Paul stepped down because he was overwhelmed and couldn't do it anymore so my dh (Robert) stepped up and picked up the slack which was fine, its what he wanted to do anyway. Well they now have a team of four adults for the youth group that ranges from 2 kids to 10 kids or more.. 3 men and 1 20 ish girl. Included in this team is the previous YL who "is only here for the summer". In other words, wants to go do the fun things we have planned. Dh and Paul are butting heads left and right. The Pastor tells dh that he is the "spiritual head" of the group and to "take the lead" "its Your ministry". Ok, well after several attempts to coordinate with Paul and was unsuccessful or outright ignored, on several issues. Robert went to the pastor and asked for clarity on leadership since Paul acts like he is still Lead and is shooting down and questioning Robert on everything from the nights they meet to why would I be involved (that's another issue I will get to). Anyway To Robert, Pastor says your the lead, work with your team , blah, blah blah... But the the team he doesn't say that so I can see where Paul may not have been told outright that Robert has the authority. I am frustrated with this because its stressing dh out to no end fighting with Paul, but since it has never been announced at the Church or anything said openly to Paul or the Team that Robert is now the lead, he doesn't feel comfortable pulling authority over Paul and causing rifts..
Anyway, Tomorrow is our trip to the water park, I am going as a Female Chaperone since there are girls intending to go, and only the guys in the team will be able to go Amanda headed out to the River for the weekend... Seems reasonable to me. I am going because there will be girls there, and this are young girls ages 11+... .
Robert and I agree that no matter what the age group or # of kids who show up, if there are girls present in the group, then its is only Right that a female be present. This is for the girls comfort (as we all know that there are things you just cant tell a male youth leader if your a 12 year old girl starting your first cycle etc..) and also the safety of the ministry. With a female lead there is less chance of any finger pointing and story telling going on Regardless of the fact that nothing inappropriate would happen. Still with me.. Anyway.. Ever since the beginning of Dh's stint in the Youth ministry here at O.D. there has been no secret that I am interested in being a part of the youth Ministry. To be there for the girls when they need someone to turn to.. Etc. Dh has told the Pastor this and was warned by him " well , just be careful, Alexis has a very strong personality and it could change the dynamics of the group" ?!?!?!?! What?? I am not asking to lead or separate the YM, I just want to be present in the event that I am needed.. To help where necessary. I have no intention of taking over. Whatever... I haven't really been involved until the last couple weeks because we have had no girls show up, Not suppressing since it was always only boys to show, they girls felt uncomfortable and left. We had a Beach bonfire last week, and come to find out 2 girls wanted to go but didn't want to be the only girls there, but didn't know the other was going to be there, or that I would be there. Now the old YL, is questioning dh as to Why I am there at all. He doesn't feel that I should have any part of it.
Well Dh is really feeling stabbed in the back by the SP, who doesn't seem to see power struggle going on. Dh is on the verge of submitting a resignation to the SP, and not sure what to do since this is a volunteer position, and the only on paper experience he has. He is really really feeling that its just best to leave and move on.. He has tried to talk to the SP about the issues again a couple weeks ago and was told to " Relax and just chill about it." Nothing has been resolved. Nothing has been worked on.. Its all Paul obviously..
Are we trying too hard to hold on to this? Should we just let it go and walk away. There is not shortage of churches we could attend that are much closer. We drive 20 miles one way to this one. Passing by hundreds on the way... We are definitely in a quandary. Not sure if this is all making sense or if we are blowing it out of proportion.. What do you think?
posted by Alexis @ 9:33 PM
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